Attachment

[Larry83]

Okay so here is one that might be a bit close to home for a few people or personal to post here, but im feeling a bit vulnerable but comfortable to post this on here.

Now just a bit more about me, i get attached to people alot, and i have learnt you can't save the world, or help everyone, i still develop feelings for people and have learnt through my work and business that you have to make boundaries and stick to them.

When i go out, i think i hide behind my leather jacket, it is my comfort zone and i can hold all sorts of things in there and slouch away in it if needed.

I have helped people in the past and been hurt, because i have chosen to make myself vulnerable.

So now that im heading to Xotica quite a bit now.
(might be a usual friday thing for me now)
I am getting attached to one of the girls there, i dont mean to, i try to ignore it and focus on other things, but I cant help my emotions and feelings, and yes i have a favourite girl of which my heart has grown very fond of.

I know nothing can really come of it, and i have to be careful not to let me feelings get involved.
But unfortunately i did, and although the girls know these things happen, they cannot avoid it.

And so last night i mentioned that i should be careful to a girl that i had developed feelings, and she had thought that it might be the case for me, and i knew that policies and procedures where in place for girls protection and security, as well as for guys.

The girl mentioned to me, that it was not going to be, as i had told myself during the day and had been prepared for it, but still the rejection always hurts.
And i had to walk away realising that it is a fantasy place.
And that my dreams of wanting a girl like that, is most probably most people's dream.

But i still thought nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I would love to hear from other people who have been in similar situations, even if you want to pm me, it is nice to share experiences.

Thank you for letting me share this with you.

 

[svengali]

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained" Mate, you should print that phrase in bold type on the ceiling above your bed and burn it into your brain.If you ask you may not get it. If you never ask you never will.

Do you know why rough unkempt yobbo types seem to get the prettiest girls? It is usually because they have the balls to bowl up and make the first move while the nice guys are still thinking about it.

As to the Xotica girls, sure, that is fantasy land but they are still human and if you strike a spark with one of them anything is possible. Just remember that in all probablility they get hit on more than most so you will need to move carefully and let her know you are not just looking for a one-night romance. Buy her a drink so she will sit with you for a while. Don't try to blow her away with your wit and charm, just be yourself, and find out a bit about her at the same time. It is not the easiest option but it is certainly one worth trying.

 

[Larry83]

Sven

Sven i really must say you are always the best to me.

Yeah i have really taken that - nothing ventured, nothing gained on board in the last couple of months.
Mainly because i was always hesistant whether to ask or not, but after trying it a few times i learnt, the worst people can say no, or even better offer something else.

I understand that the girls at Xotica most probably get asked a million times a night, and i even say that to the girls, but at the moment i am most happy just rocking up to Xotica remembering their favourite drink and buying that for them, i know i dont have all the money to pay for lap dances, but i did spend a heck of a lot on this one girl and all i wanted was a chat, and after that it has been one of the best times of my life.

I am wanting to show that i am a genuine guy and not after one night stands, but something far far more.
But also with that, im not wanting to come across too strong, or harassing.

I am thinking I will just go and say hello from time to time and talk over a quick drink, and then see what happens from there.
I in no way at all want to cross boundaries or push myself onto someone, just purely feel like i want to get to know this one girl more.

I think i do get excited and then perhaps go overboard with buying presents and stuff, and its not to impress its more to a point to show someone that i care, and that i think they are special.
(oh it is soo good to be able to communicate this, instead of it being trapped inside)
I think i always have good intentions, i think i mainly worry about doing the wrong thing or coming across the wrong way.

But thank you Sven you have confirmed what i have been thinking to just go and have a drink from time to time, as well as enjoy the atmosphere, and then see what happens from there.

 

[WAcowgirl]

coming from a chicks point of view, and im a very opinionated oe so i mean no offence!

i think if you are looking for a woman to share your life with, as you said that your not looking for one night stands but far more, so you think trying to date a girl from a strip joint is the best thing? i mean if you got lucky and she was interested(for more than just for the tipping dollars) could you handle her stripping for other guys? they are there to make you feel special, its part of their act, that way you pay more and she can afford those shoes she has her eye on! (harsh i know but reality!)

i think if you are keen to meet 'real' woman, then spending your firdays nights at a regular joe bar, chatting to everyday women might do you better! they might not have the body of a stripper, but at least they will all yours, and you wont have to share her with other men who may, like yourself, have a flase sense of attraction, she is getting paid to do that after all!

anyway it is human to be attracted to ppl, i fall for guys way to easy, so i get those feelings you are having, but how about you try and have them for someone who is available and you dont have to pay them to give you a lap dance...im sure there is a owman out there for you who will love you enough to do it for free

my 2c im sorry if its harsh but i mean no offfence...just giving my opinion!

 

[TemptMe]

Also going to throw my 2cents worth in too...Aren't you in a relationship Larry? Don't you think going down this track will making sorting our your home 'situation' a bit more difficult?? Please don't get me wrong I am not passing judgements at all just curious as to why we as humans seem to create such tangled webs in our lives....

 

[sexiness]

I agree with WAcowgirl - if your looking for a relationship then a stripper joint probably isn't the place


Overall I think that its bigger than this...if your looking for something, you have to put it out there and be patient and wait, I don't mean checking every other girl out for relationship potential who passes you in the street but be 'you' and love your life, where you are and what your doing!!! and you will attract what your looking for. Guys who are comfortable in themself are far more attractive than someone who can seem obviously 'looking'

 

[WAcowgirl]

if your in a relationship larry then that totally changes my opinion again! you shouldnt be looking anywhere other than your own bedroom...i dont understand why ppl do that at all..if you dont love your partner then why stay with them! (this is not just males ether, goes for females as well!)

and im sorry but you cant love your partner if every friday night your in a strip club falling for a someone you pay to see nude!

if thats too harsh, good it was meant to be!

 

[Larry83]

Nah its all good i love feedback, and dont find it harsh, i find it reality and seeing things through other people's eyes.

So definetly thank you, i will take it on board.

 

[Larry83]

Also just as a side note - i dont mean to come across as an arse.

 

[TemptMe]

It is all about being open and honest Larry - don't think any less of a person if they are truthful - hey we all have our flaws take them or leave them.... Problems or issues don't get solved by bottling them up and not talking about them or seeking other peoples opinions - you just have to be prepared to take the positive and negative without lashing out (and you have done so)..Curiosity is healthy as long as there is no deliberate intent to hurt people.

 

[young couple]

time for a bit of reality

Sorry dude, I know I don't know you and all, but I gotta tell you this (Samantha Mamba).

From experience, I had the same problem, buying gifts and throwing around cash, now I need the cash I don't have it. I didn't get the girl or girls. Then one day I turned it around, I don't want you, you want me.
I'm good, I'm the best, I can.......I feel good.
Not long after I took that approach, I was working in the strip club, DJ and MC, I was watching all those guys doing the same as you. And me. But know the girls one especially wanted me, yes penthouse pet kid you not. We never did make it together we never had sex, our lives went different directions. Girls wanted me as much as I guys wanted them.
Dude don't waste ur money, use that money to make urself better, don't make people like u for wat u say, but rather wat u don't say and do. A still tongue makes a wise head. Success has many forms. Love has too, but if you already have it, don't loose it for something you will never truelly get. Believe in ur self and get going....
You need to respect you, b4 anyone else will want you, remember strippers don't become strippers because they are ugly and want to meet mr right, they are there to make you fall in love and spend cash.
You've been suckered in, now you need to get out,

Stay safe

 

[Mile High]

Larry,

If you want to go to Xotica do so, but just enjoy what you see. If you are going there to find "Mrs Right" - heavens above. If you are doing so whilst already in a relationship - WTF. By your postings you seem extremely confused and mixed up. I think the best thing that you can do is sort out your current relationship or end it quickly. That we you can get on with your life and if with a clear and level head you think that a girl from Xotica would make the perfect "Mrs Right", then go for it.

 

[Larry83]

Thanks everyone.
i think i need to really think about what i say before and do and not get caught up in the moment.
I think i let my imagination get away with me a bit.

i dont mean to be hot headed or lash out and apologise if i have.