At the Gym
- Thread starter AliyahLee
- Start date
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Ahoy;- very good and yes ATM are more impressive than a 6 foot tall, 6 pack athletic stud.
A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."
Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.
The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, “You finish?"
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian"
A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."
Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.
The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, “You finish?"
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian"
- Points
- 2,379
The Italian Mistress
An Italian husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany , no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. No more credit card and large Bank accounts. But.... The decision is all yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Tony?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
An Italian husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany , no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. No more credit card and large Bank accounts. But.... The decision is all yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Tony?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
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- 0
Took me a while but finally found it...here it is.
Chinese sick leave
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, boss, I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach-ache and my legs hurt, I no come work."
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon........You got nice house...
Chinese sick leave
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, boss, I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach-ache and my legs hurt, I no come work."
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon........You got nice house...
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- 0
Ok found another one of my favorite.
Bear, Rabbit & Genie.
One afternoon, a bear was chasing a rabbit through the woods. As the rabbit dove through a bush in an attempt to escape, he collided with an old dusty genie lamp. This tripped him up, which in turn tripped up the bear, and the both of them tumbled down a small hill along with the lamp, which promptly opened.
The genie turned and saw the two animals, and said, "Clearly, I owe my freedom to you both. Normally, I would grant three wishes and no more, but since you have both helped me, you shall both receive three wishes!"
The bear shoved the rabbit aside and said, "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female!" The genie replied, "Done," and turned to the rabbit.
The rabbit was deep in thought, and finally said, "I wish for a motorcycle helmet my size." The bear rolled his eyes, thinking, "What a waste of a perfectly good wish!" But the genie simply said, "Done," and a small motorcycle helmet appeared in the rabbit's paws, and he put it on.
When the genie asked the bear for his second wish, the bear hit himself in the head. "I'm so stupid! Okay, okay-- I wish all the other bears in the whole COUNTRY were female!! Yeah!" The genie smiled, and said, "Done!"
The rabbit then said, "I wish for a motorcycle sized for me, with a full tank!" And \poof!> the motorcycle appeared. Again, the bear scoffed at the rabbit's obvious short-sightedness.
Finally, the bear gave his third wish. His eyes went wide and he asked, "Wait. Can you make it so all the other bears in the *world* were female?" The genie said, "Certainly." So the bear wished that and it was granted.
The rabbit, meanwhile, had mounted his new toy and was revving the engine. He turned to the genie, pointed at the bear and said, "I wish he was gay," and sped off!
Bear, Rabbit & Genie.
One afternoon, a bear was chasing a rabbit through the woods. As the rabbit dove through a bush in an attempt to escape, he collided with an old dusty genie lamp. This tripped him up, which in turn tripped up the bear, and the both of them tumbled down a small hill along with the lamp, which promptly opened.
The genie turned and saw the two animals, and said, "Clearly, I owe my freedom to you both. Normally, I would grant three wishes and no more, but since you have both helped me, you shall both receive three wishes!"
The bear shoved the rabbit aside and said, "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female!" The genie replied, "Done," and turned to the rabbit.
The rabbit was deep in thought, and finally said, "I wish for a motorcycle helmet my size." The bear rolled his eyes, thinking, "What a waste of a perfectly good wish!" But the genie simply said, "Done," and a small motorcycle helmet appeared in the rabbit's paws, and he put it on.
When the genie asked the bear for his second wish, the bear hit himself in the head. "I'm so stupid! Okay, okay-- I wish all the other bears in the whole COUNTRY were female!! Yeah!" The genie smiled, and said, "Done!"
The rabbit then said, "I wish for a motorcycle sized for me, with a full tank!" And \poof!> the motorcycle appeared. Again, the bear scoffed at the rabbit's obvious short-sightedness.
Finally, the bear gave his third wish. His eyes went wide and he asked, "Wait. Can you make it so all the other bears in the *world* were female?" The genie said, "Certainly." So the bear wished that and it was granted.
The rabbit, meanwhile, had mounted his new toy and was revving the engine. He turned to the genie, pointed at the bear and said, "I wish he was gay," and sped off!
- Points
- 2,379
Ahoy Bro Homer;- There great LOL HaHaHaHa LOL
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- 0
Thanks Bro. These are the two of my all time favorites. I don't know why they stuck in my mind like glue. Every time I need a chuckle, these two jokes still give me some great chuckling.
- Points
- 2,379
Ahoy, Homer your and Aliyahlee are excellent, there classics.
I got one last Italian Joke left over, here it is
SPAGHETTI
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back.
He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey, 'she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three, with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce !!!!! '
I got one last Italian Joke left over, here it is
SPAGHETTI
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back.
He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey, 'she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three, with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce !!!!! '
Farm Boy 2
Legend Member
- Points
- 65
You have a way with words WendyI like do Gym on the bed with the men handsome...
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- 2,379
Ahoy;- I do agree, but, I am a Old Pirate, not handsome, but I will bring along my Rum
I like do Gym on the bed with the men handsome...
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- 0
I like do Gym on the bed with the men handsome...
So you do it with a man named Jim for the whole hour and you can say that you've been to Gym for 1 whole hour?
The next guy's name better not be Kitchen.