Anger

[Master Yoda]

Anger:

In the past 6 months I have learned to choose my emotions most of the time. And Anger is one I put away as I misused it in the past.

I experienced something I really have not seen for at least 6 months. I had anger that sustained for more than an hour. But it was anger...not rage....or loss of control.

I do not know yet whether it is a good or bad thing whether that matters at all.

With no warning I faced a call that lasted nearly 2 hours from the CSA. After a confirmation that I will not be contacted by them again.

A lot of the anger was from their mistreatment of people in the search and destroy nature of their job. Lets forget about these people accept that their task adds no value to anyones experience.

I am not sure if I am glad or ashamed of my anger. Yet there was no passive aggressiveness or lack of control. Anger is something that I have misused in the past and that is something that I have not made available to me for a long time.

I am not sure I am ready to have anger back without misusing it yet. Because the longer this CSA agent insisted to stay in my presence, the more she was hurting herself. I gave her plenty of opportunities to get off the phone. At certain moments I said things that make me feel bad now. Like reminding/convincing her to put away her authoritative voice based on ego because as she is not a cop, soldier, doctor, nurse, or anyone like that who is adding value to the lives of others.

Just thinking out loud. I have more to think about about this event. Anger is an emotion that I must coexist with. I need to be in control of it and use it for the greater good. I am far from perfect. Yet I am working hard towards more awareness.

 

[colzilla]

I used to be extremely placid... I'm a lot more angry these days. People and their BS lies shit me no end.

Time to go to happy place

 

[Master Yoda]

I have learned now Col..... a happy place must be one that charges $160-$200 for 30 min right lol.

 

[colzilla]

Nah! Not really I've had plenty of s##ty punts too.

Lifes a bitch, then you marry one, then you die.

 

[Master Yoda]

Crappy punts are far and few..... then again. I truly have not done that in way too long. May go and see this cute thing I met in the restaurant later this week.. Hmmmmmm

 

[colzilla]

I find the younger ones boring. plus I feel like a Daddy.

 

[Master Yoda]

I know.... but I liked them cuz of the way they felt and looked. My actual best if I had to put a score was Ava Valentine. She was a punt.........

But after a while I was put off by the transaction itself. Thats why I spent so long on non transactional encounters. And yeah I know its always an transaction in some ways. But there was more choice in it and no handing over of cash. No time limit, No obligation. But that had its share of issues too.

Blahhh!!!! I'm letting it all go and I'm gonna be a newbie and see what its like lol.

 

[colzilla]

Hooker$/Real world women they're one and the same... It's gonna cost you one way or the other.

 

[Master Yoda]

The greatest encounters are 2 recently where it was all heart.

 

[colzilla]

There's only two reasons to be on this earth and that's...to root and procreate

 

[Master Yoda]

If only that can be true. Even for a moment. .......... awesome. ..

 

[colzilla]

You can't chain Colzilla. The 9-5 hum drum was invented for the masses...

 

[Rochelle]

You two really like to the bottom of things.
By the way....nothing wrong with anger.......at least you know that you are still alive and care or you wouldn't feel anger. Only trap with anger is that it can be mistaken for bad mood and looking for somebody to blame/verbally attack/put down.

 

[colzilla]

You two really like to the bottom of things.

What mean?... Think Yoda, formerly known as Master Yoda might be feeling a bit melancholy as of late.

Cheer up Yoda... Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end

 

[SAO26.2]

Anger is a great way to find out what you want, but a terrible way to get it.

 

[Thatguy]

I'm angry now...

I find I tend to get angry at little things far more often and easily now then I used to...

I don't like it...

Case and point... I was out tonite at an event I do weekly, and there is a young lady there whom I get along with, and we seemed at one point to have become friends... then in recent weeks (perhaps last 6 weeks) she makes no effort to come find me and say hi when we are there... then tonite.. she does..

First thing comes to mind and I say.. "oh so you do still talk to me".... end of conversation...

 

[colzilla]

Friend zoned ?

 

[Thatguy]

don't think so mate... no signs of the friend zone.. its just funny.. we got along real well for a while.. then she stopped coming to talk to me until tonite...

 

[Master Yoda]

What mean?... Think Yoda, formerly known as Master Yoda might be feeling a bit melancholy as of late.

Cheer up Yoda... Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end

If I responded as I did before when I was a self proclaimed MASTER!!! I may have defended that.

But MELANCHOLY?....dunno.....I am in the best place I have been in 5 years at the moment. During that time I was conditioned with everything unimaginably bad everyday. I mustered strength just to survive. That means that now I have dropped a huge burden I have a lot of strength with no resistance.

I was high as a kite on life for a while. And now I am just calm as a monk. And at times I sound so docile it sounds like I am down.

But no man....thanks for the concern. It is much appreciated.

 

[Master Yoda]

You two really like to the bottom of things.
By the way....nothing wrong with anger.......at least you know that you are still alive and care or you wouldn't feel anger. Only trap with anger is that it can be mistaken for bad mood and looking for somebody to blame/verbally attack/put down.

What I make that mean is that anger is anger. It is a core emotion like red is a primary colour. But rage, depression, and destruction when it gets out of control is the negativity that rises out of anger and is destructive to oneself and those around.

 

[Master Yoda]

I'm angry now...

I find I tend to get angry at little things far more often and easily now then I used to...

I don't like it...

Case and point... I was out tonite at an event I do weekly, and there is a young lady there whom I get along with, and we seemed at one point to have become friends... then in recent weeks (perhaps last 6 weeks) she makes no effort to come find me and say hi when we are there... then tonite.. she does..

First thing comes to mind and I say.. "oh so you do still talk to me".... end of conversation...

I was stuck in a pattern like that for a long long time dude. Looking back I was making things all about me. And all I attracted was other people being selfish to me. But I am only speaking for myself.

 

[sparky]

CSA know how to make the most placid of ppl angry> I had to deal with them for 14 yrs and at one stage they came close to driving me to a nervous breakdown where I just up and left the state on a me finding exercise where I jumped in my car and drove to where ever I wanted when I wanted holiday over east. Whilst on this holiday they still tried hounding me but luckily I was in a better place by then (mentally) . When I came back home I declared they would never get to me like that again ad repaired my relationship with my partner I has just left also(not the CSA recipient) it was a hard journey but one I needed and in all my dealings with CSA after that I never let them get to me in that way again. I actually spoke to one of the supervisors sometime after that event and explained what they did and how they affected me. I fully understand how you got into a rage with them Yoda just dig deep and look for the triggers and know how to spot and control them. Now I look back to that time as a point in life where I became a better person out of adversity.

 

[Master Yoda]

CSA know how to make the most placid of ppl angry> I had to deal with them for 14 yrs and at one stage they came close to driving me to a nervous breakdown where I just up and left the state on a me finding exercise where I jumped in my car and drove to where ever I wanted when I wanted holiday over east. Whilst on this holiday they still tried hounding me but luckily I was in a better place by then (mentally) . When I came back home I declared they would never get to me like that again ad repaired my relationship with my partner I has just left also(not the CSA recipient) it was a hard journey but one I needed and in all my dealings with CSA after that I never let them get to me in that way again. I actually spoke to one of the supervisors sometime after that event and explained what they did and how they affected me. I fully understand how you got into a rage with them Yoda just dig deep and look for the triggers and know how to spot and control them. Now I look back to that time as a point in life where I became a better person out of adversity.

Thank you. That is much appreciated. And yeah...they really knew how to push. Or they did not know they were pushing.

Truly I care for all people and really did not want to hurt this CSA agent. Gave her over 10 chances to just can it it and walk away. Yet she just did not get it.

Actions have been taken to prove their mistakes that I did not want to prove. As I believed that I I will get no prizes or value out of arguing with people like that. I feel for them.....they are doing a dog act of a job to pay their rent.

I am also not naive. And what ever I prove they will try and back up and will not hear what they do not want to hear. But point is what ever they calculated I have fulfilled above and beyond.

But anyway, thank you for sharing your advice and experience.

 

[bushseeker]

Hooker$/Real world women they're one and the same... It's gonna cost you one way or the other.

At least hookers are honest. They tell you how much up front. And when they leave its out the front door.
A real women hits you with a massive bill at the end and its you that leaves by the front door ..

 

[Master Yoda]

At least hookers are honest. They tell you how much up front. And when they leave its out the front door.
A real women hits you with a massive bill at the end and its you that leaves by the front door ..

In my experience there is a diversity of honesty in all types of people regardless of profession and gender. The worst I met in my case when it came to dishonesty happened to be a WL. But I also have to take responsibility in what I did and did not do to create such a situation for myself.

And you are right though...most of them are honest and some with OK intentions. But dishing out bad intentions with honesty is something I cannot agree with.

 

[sparky]

Yoda I found when dealing with CSA just try to remain as calm as possible and if you ever find someone helpful get their name and deal with them. If you have no luck with your case officer ask to talk to their supervisor and tell them our concerns . when you know how to work the system and remain calm it goes a long way to making your life so much happier and calmer. I only wish I found this out years earlier it would have saved so much grief and almost my sanity.

 

[Master Yoda]

Alright....I will actually take this advice 100%. As it cannot be worse than giving into arguing with them.

I must practice what I intend more often.

In all honesty. You are right. Fighting against a CSA officer is like having a fist fight with a dwarf in handcuffs. There is no point.

 

[homer]

Wow Yoda, your a Vulcan in training then. Hide that anger, bash the internal wall.
lol...tho I am no very verbal, when angry, i do feel like a red faced vulcan, almost ready to explode.

 

[Master Yoda]

Well I'm supposed to be a little green goblin as Q man loves to call me. I also have pointy ears. But I turn more purple than red......

 

[colzilla]

I'd kill someone if I had the misfortune of dealing with the likes of the CSA.
Thankfully I'm so unloveable that no one wants me anyway.

But with help of Mr Ca$h I can bridge the gap occasionally.

Remember men of Australia. You don't have any f##king rights.