👋🏼 Looking for healthy discussion partner

[Talking Healthy]

Hi everyone.



Im someone who's "job" (more occupation bcs we are not paid, but our livelihood is covered) is to support other online and offline. Im not professionaly trained, but im experienced from overcoming my own trauma and couple hundreds of support session online and offline. Some regular, some one time or occasional support.



The thing is, i came from a conservative background, and while i agree with some of the value, i disagree with how aggresive or straight abusive some conservative can be. It also leads me to have plenty of sexual related trauma and self blame. And now with more people trusting me with their issue, some interaction become more strenuous for me because whenever someone's sexual and romantical relationship is involved (and its getting more often because im often teaching boundaries to young adult), i need to spare some energy to surpress my own triggered emotion.



Usually we can always just skip topic we are uncomfortable about, but some of my regular support feel comfortable with me as im very suited to their need, and i just dont feel comfortable asking them to try out other supporter for such sensitive issue. Therefore, im trying to handle my main trauma which is sexual and relationship related, by having someone who is open to talk to regarding such subject. Its not just for them though. Its mainly for me so i can always be calm as i grow, and need to support more and more people of different background and needs.



Note that i already have a therapist and a regular supportee turned best friend who's like older sister to me, but because each has their boundaries (conservative asian therapist, we're both trying but both awkward, best friend/sister is from open background but with boundaries of what she's comfortable talking which i respect), im looking for more people, who are kind and respectful of each other boundaries but also more comfortable sharing about those topic too. Details can be discussed through message bcs as much as this is an anonymous account, i feel a strong mental block sharing too much here



I was abused and dismissed a lot by male, so i feel more difficult opening up regarding sensitive issue to fellow male. So if possible, im looking for female of similar maturity level. (Late 20s, early 30s, can communicate boundaries and needs, respect each other, honest, sensitive, just the standard safe person/friend package). I would also love to support and hear about your days if you are willing to share and communicate if any conflicting views came up



Oh! I forgot to add, i do have some supportee that is very casual about sex and always share their escapade when asking me for support. But their view of it is like snacking, waaay too casual, so i feel a wide divide between our understanding, and thus i dont try to get support back regarding this topic from her. I think what im trying to add here is someone that has their boundaries clear about sex and can respect someone with a more restrained mindset instead of telling me to just go fuck people (and this is legit the "supportive reply" i got quite a few times ) when all i want is to communicate healthily, overcome my traumas and mental block, and grow into a naturally, thoroughly, safe, supportive individual!



Sorry for the long post and thank you for reading!



If anyone is interested to have regular chat (doesnt need to be daily ofc), and mutual support, im looking forward to your message!



I hope this post is not against any policy/rules, but if it is, please tell me so i can adjust me accordingly

Thanks all!

Last ps: dont be mean in reply Writing all this is hard, im already shaking and have cold hands.

 

[mrys]

Thanks for your post. Perhaps you could simplify what you're after. I'm a bit confused as to what you want and others on TS may be the same?

 

[johnmatilda]

And now with more people trusting me with their issue, some interaction become more strenuous for me because whenever someone's sexual and romantical relationship is involved (and its getting more often because im often teaching boundaries to young adult), i need to spare some energy to surpress my own triggered emotion.



Usually we can always just skip topic we are uncomfortable about, but some of my regular support feel comfortable with me as im very suited to their need, and i just dont feel comfortable asking them to try out other supporter for such sensitive issue. Therefore, im trying to handle my main trauma which is sexual and relationship related, by having someone who is open to talk to regarding such subject.

My advice is that you need to take yourself out of this situation whereby everyone is dumping their emotional and other problems on you which is negatively affecting you. Since you are not paid or trained to deal with this, you are putting yourself in a negative space that will consume you which is evident from your own post. I would stop providing this support and let those supportees seek professional help. It's not your problem.

 

[Talking Healthy]

Thanks for your post. Perhaps you could simplify what you're after. I'm a bit confused as to what you want and others on TS may be the same?

Hi mrys! Thanks for informing. I think i can shorten it to:

Looking for a female for regular/semi-regular chat that is open to topic surrounding sex and relationship in support context. However just want to clarify it wont be about that exclusively as i would like to listen and support where needed too

 

[Talking Healthy]

My advice is that you need to take yourself out of this situation whereby everyone is dumping their emotional and other problems on you which is negatively affecting you. Since you are not paid or trained to deal with this, you are putting yourself in a negative space that will consume you which is evident from your own post. I would stop providing this support and let those supportees seek professional help. It's not your problem.

Hi john. Thanks for the concern. However, whats hurting me is not the support situation. I always take only as much as i can support. Its just that i always challenge myself to face my trauma, and oftentime by helping others i face my trauma indirectly, which later i handle with my support system, myself, and my therapisg.

Whats hurting me is many past hm.. views that develops from trauma, which cause me to get triggered around sex and relationship topic. I wish to overcome the trauma, so im looking for people to talk to about it. I have my therapist who provide step by step guide to handle the trauma, a best friend who make me feel more normal and less triggered, and now im just looking for more open but kind people to help me correct my view with more chat, regarding mundane or support topic.

 

[Shazaam]

I strongly suggest you seek professional help, rather than a discussion partner. Therapists are quite clever these days.

 

[Talking Healthy]

I strongly suggest you seek professional help, rather than a discussion partner. Therapists are quite clever these days.

As i mention, i already have a therapist. Someone to discuss with regularly is supplementary, because with therapist the approach is different

 

[Shazaam]

As i mention, i already have a therapist. Someone to discuss with regularly is supplementary, because with therapist the approach is different

From what you've said, you already have discussion partners also. What you are looking for remains unclear, so ya know. You want to indirectly question people to see if they can justify what you've done? There'll surely be groups supervised by medical professional's where you can discuss trauma if you ask your therapist they'll probably look into it for you. Right now it appear you just want to publish/broadcast your thoughts, not get to the bottom of things?

 

[Talking Healthy]

From what you've said, you already have discussion partners also. What you are looking for remains unclear, so ya know. You want to indirectly question people to see if they can justify what you've done? There'll surely be groups supervised by medical professional's where you can discuss trauma if you ask your therapist they'll probably look into it for you. Right now it appear you just want to publish/broadcast your thoughts, not get to the bottom of things?

The thing about trauma is, its complex and sonetime what you need is not clear cut. When its clear cut (cause, method of recovery, all the related variables), its much easier to handle.

Everybody who has gone to therapy know that many different form of therapy helps a lot of the time, but oftentime you still have to find ways that suits/supplement you best outside of therapy, which is what im doing.

As i write above, i have *one* therapist that is also *awkward* regarding the topic like me albeit we both try to discuss it, and *one* best friend from open background who had boundaries on what to discuss, but is very kind and gentle in showing me that im normal. Im just looking for an extra person to built trust with and maybe mutual support, who are more open regarding the topic for me to ask questions and share my story *in private*

Regarding the medical professional thing,

1. I have difficulty sharing in public (im shaking each time i reply to messages here, gotta go to "fuck it" mindset and just forcefully type my thoughts), not to mention regarding something that is so sensitive to me

2. The mental health support is so poor that *i'm* the one introducing volunteer group to my therapist (the one im in) so she can introduce people to it. But what you said gave me an idea of maybe asking her to put a feeler out if any medical student want to help me in private, and they can get the experience, or use the data anonymously. The thing is, sex is extra taboo topic here, so even most people who discuss it find it a hard subject to talk about, like my therapist and me (my best friend is latin american, from comparison)

Regarding what i want, if unclear from what i wrote on the top, is to build a trusty relationship where i can feel comfortable sharing and asking about sexual and relationship related stuff, so i can, maybe because im also trying to understand myself, know what its like for others and feel more normal i guess. And again, i emphasize, im asking for someone because i only feel comfortable sharing the deeper trauma and more sensitive topic privately.

Last note is, even if i dont get anyone and even if im shaking like a leaf with ice cold hands and feet each time im replying, but im actually learning to be normal about standing up for my view in this topic, which is already a lot compared to what i can do offline. So thank you for everyone who replies.

 

[Shazaam]

The thing about trauma is, its complex and sonetime what you need is not clear cut. When its clear cut (cause, method of recovery, all the related variables), its much easier to handle.

Everybody who has gone to therapy know that many different form of therapy helps a lot of the time, but oftentime you still have to find ways that suits/supplement you best outside of therapy, which is what im doing.

As i write above, i have *one* therapist that is also *awkward* regarding the topic like me albeit we both try to discuss it, and *one* best friend from open background who had boundaries on what to discuss, but is very kind and gentle in showing me that im normal. Im just looking for an extra person to built trust with and maybe mutual support, who are more open regarding the topic for me to ask questions and share my story *in private*

Regarding the medical professional thing,

1. I have difficulty sharing in public (im shaking each time i reply to messages here, gotta go to "fuck it" mindset and just forcefully type my thoughts), not to mention regarding something that is so sensitive to me

2. The mental health support is so poor that *i'm* the one introducing volunteer group to my therapist (the one im in) so she can introduce people to it. But what you said gave me an idea of maybe asking her to put a feeler out if any medical student want to help me in private, and they can get the experience, or use the data anonymously. The thing is, sex is extra taboo topic here, so even most people who discuss it find it a hard subject to talk about, like my therapist and me (my best friend is latin american, from comparison)

Regarding what i want, if unclear from what i wrote on the top, is to build a trusty relationship where i can feel comfortable sharing and asking about sexual and relationship related stuff, so i can, maybe because im also trying to understand myself, know what its like for others and feel more normal i guess. And again, i emphasize, im asking for someone because i only feel comfortable sharing the deeper trauma and more sensitive topic privately.

Last note is, even if i dont get anyone and even if im shaking like a leaf with ice cold hands and feet each time im replying, but im actually learning to be normal about standing up for my view in this topic, which is already a lot compared to what i can do offline. So thank you for everyone who replies.

I'm glad you and I are gaining insights through our correspondence on this forum.