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Sex Jokes & Cartoons... to amuse us !

Discussion in 'Chit Chat,Gossip & Humor Forum' started by DDxoxo, Aug 5, 2014.

  1. Logan 2

    Logan 2 Staff Member Silver Member

    Posts:
    149
    A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get
    > you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,"
    > responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating
    > something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob." "Well, in that case, let >> >
    > me give you a 7th on the house." "No offence, sir. But if 6
    > shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
    >
     
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  2. Logan 2

    Logan 2 Staff Member Silver Member

    Posts:
    149
    There was this couple who had been married for 50 years.
    > They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when
    > the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey,
    > we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied,
    > "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this
    > breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We
    > were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years
    > ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should
    > we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and
    > sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old
    > lady breathlessly replied,"My nipples are as hot for you
    > today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be
    > surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and
    > the other is in your oatmeal||||||
     
  3. Mopar63

    Mopar63 Silver Member

    Posts:
    124
    335CC3DC-07EA-485E-B119-F895409913BF.jpeg
    It’s an oldie but still a goodie.
     
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  4. Suzette

    Suzette Silver Member

    Posts:
    38
  5. Suzette

    Suzette Silver Member

    Posts:
    38
    I have a visit to the optician tomorrow I will be very careful today and the hands will not wander from the keyboard

    This is so funny I am in the age bracket and I will watch where the titties are placed

    How true
    I know many with this attitude makes my knees tremble at the thought

    So true in more ways than one.

    It reminds me of a hospital bed that has many positions up, down sideways, knees bent, head up.

    Yes I have heard a few comments in the past of well hung men that one is frightening

    I wonder if any spines form the cactus went into the netherlands

    A Lawyer quote from the interent I decided that law was the opposite of sex even when it was good it was lousy

    Yes I have seen the elderly at times and wonder if they would make it but if they did not they would die happy
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2018
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  6. Tania

    Tania Administrator And Safe Sex Advocate Staff Member Moderator

    Posts:
    5,617
    Ha ha ha ha ha FB_IMG_1539165703764.jpg
     
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  7. Suzette

    Suzette Silver Member

    Posts:
    38
    A friend tried to give a bottle that was opened he received for Christmas I think he was offended that I refused
     
  8. Cyclone

    Cyclone WILD CHILD Staff Member Battle Axe

    Posts:
    2,453
    [​IMG]

    came across these (not literally) on the net and thought them worthy of a laugh and thought I would share.
     
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  9. Logan 2

    Logan 2 Staff Member Silver Member

    Posts:
    149
    Q: What are the two main ingredients in Cialis?

    A: Miracle Gro & Fix-a-flat!
     
  10. Logan 2

    Logan 2 Staff Member Silver Member

    Posts:
    149
    Whats the generic form of Cialis?

    Mycoxaflopin.
     
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  11. Logan 2

    Logan 2 Staff Member Silver Member

    Posts:
    149
    Diarrhea
    Six year old boy stuck on the toilet with Diarrhea. He starts yelling for his mom to please bring him some Cialis. Mom asks her son why he thinks he needs Cialis. The boy says, "Well thats what you give dad when his shit don't get hard."
     
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  12. Logan 2

    Logan 2 Staff Member Silver Member

    Posts:
    149
    Forgetful Actor
    There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'" The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!" The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?" "No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"
     
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  13. Tania

    Tania Administrator And Safe Sex Advocate Staff Member Moderator

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    5,617
    Ha ha ha ha ha ha
    FB_IMG_1543213165127.jpg
     
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  14. Tania

    Tania Administrator And Safe Sex Advocate Staff Member Moderator

    Posts:
    5,617
    Yes Please!
    FB_IMG_1544014533378.jpg
     
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  15. Tania

    Tania Administrator And Safe Sex Advocate Staff Member Moderator

    Posts:
    5,617
    Bahahaha
    FB_IMG_1545366168555.jpg
     
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  16. Cyclone

    Cyclone WILD CHILD Staff Member Battle Axe

    Posts:
    2,453
    Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
     
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  17. Kate Langtrees

    Kate Langtrees Staff Member Langtrees IT Dept

    Posts:
    43
    [​IMG]

    Happy Thursday!!!!
     
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  18. Kim2323

    Kim2323 Langtrees Darwin Reception Staff Member Moderator

    Posts:
    146
    What's the biggest problem for a dildo factory ??

    Squatters
     
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  19. Phoebe

    Phoebe Legend Member

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    4,834
    Head of Company: We need to stop testing our products on animals. Consultant: Why? The shampoo companies do it. Head of Company: Yeah, but we make dildos.
     
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  20. Phoebe

    Phoebe Legend Member

    Posts:
    4,834
    An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
     
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  21. Becky

    Becky Langtrees Darwin Reception Silver Member

    Posts:
    80
    Why don't witches wear underwear?

    To get a better grip on their brooms.
     
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  22. Becky

    Becky Langtrees Darwin Reception Silver Member

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    80
    A couple of dicks walk into a vagina. They have a few drinks and are there for a couple of hours. Eventually one dick looks at the other and says, "Hey man, I'm getting bored, Want to go next door and get shit-faced?"
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2019
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  23. Kim2323

    Kim2323 Langtrees Darwin Reception Staff Member Moderator

    Posts:
    146
    Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

    I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

    Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
     
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  24. Becky

    Becky Langtrees Darwin Reception Silver Member

    Posts:
    80
    Q. How many perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A. One.

    But it takes the whole emergency room staff to get it back out.
     
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  25. Jaimi

    Jaimi Langtrees Darwin Reception Staff Member Silver Member

    Posts:
    103
    What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick?

    The man.
     
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  26. Becky

    Becky Langtrees Darwin Reception Silver Member

    Posts:
    80
    Mickey Mouse is sitting at a bar crying his eyes out.

    "Don't take it so hard" says the bartender. "So your wife is acting a little silly..So what? It's no big deal."

    Mickey looks up angrily.

    "I didn't say she was acting silly, I said she was f**king GOOFY!"
     
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  27. Jaimi

    Jaimi Langtrees Darwin Reception Staff Member Silver Member

    Posts:
    103
    I bought a box of condoms earlier today. The cashier asked if I'd like a bag. I said "nah, I'll just turn the lights off."
     
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  28. Bigsub89

    Bigsub89 Bronze Member

    Posts:
    1
    Some absolute gold here rofl
     
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  29. Becky

    Becky Langtrees Darwin Reception Silver Member

    Posts:
    80
    One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"

    The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."

    The husband says "Who is his father?"

    The wife says "You are."
     
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  30. Jaimi

    Jaimi Langtrees Darwin Reception Staff Member Silver Member

    Posts:
    103
    What did the vagina say to the penis?

    So do you cum here often?
     
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