Other people's opinions.....

[perthminx]

I am not ashamed of who I am. If you have sat down to talk to me you would know that I am very open and opinionated and above all, honest. I have made many mistakes in my life. I have been arrested, been to court, terminated a pregnancy, stayed in abusive relationships, contracted an STD (treatable thank god!!), taken drugs and hurt other people's feelings. Some of these things I wish had never happened. People make mistakes. However, the real mistake is not learning from them.

I have learnt that my true friends in life are ones that support me regardless of whether they think my decisions are good or bad.

For months I posted on the forum, mentally debating whether to go to LPs or not. I didn't discuss my anguish with anyone.... I finally took the plunge and one Friday night i went to LPs and it made me feel so elated and courageous and brave and free....

After I went to LPs I told my mum, dad, and my closest friends. My dad was very supportive (he wanted more information! I told him to find his own club!). My best friends were happy for me and very curious... But my mum.... well she has gone and told half my family. I am not upset that she told everyone..... I am upset that she didn't confront me first.

It is funny the things she said. She told me that I wouldn't find love at LPs. She wanted me to be in a happy, loving relationship with a man. She wanted me to be safe. I was going to build a reputation for myself. And that the men will use me....

I personally don't see why people cannot get there head's around the notion that women like sex. At this stage in my life I don't want a relationship. I am wonderfully happy just being with me and my three babies. We don't need a man to love us.... And I like sex. This poses a problem since I don't have a partner. Now I could go out every weekend to clubs and pubs and end up with God knows, who God knows where, risking God knows what..... or I could go to a safe club that weeds out the morons, provides bouncers and staff in a secure private complex with condoms for me to have sex.

And my reputation. Refer to the first paragraph. I think it is self explanatory the reputation I have in my family. The words 'black sheep' and 'doesn't give a shit' come to mind.....

And as far as men using me goes, the last time I checked going to LPs was voluntary as was having sex there. The desire to have sex is mutual meaning no one is using anyone else...

OK so you are probably wondering if I have a point.... I am curious to know who in your lives you have told about your lifestyle decisions. Do your parents, friends and family know you swing? DO they know you are gay/bisexual? Why/why not? What has been their reactions?

 

[Mary Anne PA]

hi babe.. not really responding in answering your last line of questioning cos in a way I am over here by myself and have no family so don't have to really answer to anybody about what I do... (although I do hide a bit from my dad... shhhhh) - only cos he is an old fashioned bloody italian..lol


Just wanted to say that I have only met you once and you seemed like a top chick.. great to talk to and a great person.. and I have the best instincts in town and that was enough for me.....
And you know what, it doesn't matter where you have been, what you have done and what you got before..
all that matters is the here now and present and what you stand for now, and that's good enough for me....

 

[Melb_Guy]

Yesterday is History
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is the present
Thats why we call it a gift

It is very easy to dwel in the past, but it cannot be chaged, just be yourself and keep moving ahead

 

[sioxie]

We have all made mistakes minx and i love ur honesty. Its how we move on from the mistakes is what its all abt. Sometimes it may take forever and we keep repeating the same ones until suddenly one day a light bulb flicks on and u think WTF did i do that for. Some people will never learn.

I know exactly what u mean about Lps being liberating and freeing a part of u once u get what its all about. Took me 5 times of going till suddenly it all made sense. I could go there and feel safe, I could make sum great friends which i have done, I didnt have drunk men spilling their drinks on me and groping me as i walked past. There is no jealousy so far that i have seen from other women if u look at their man in fact most encourage it lol. Look at someones boyfriend in a pub situation and u are likely to wind up wearing a drink.....or getting your hair pulled.

I finally understand the concept of Lps.

I am not looking for a relationship at present and like u we all have sexual desires and im not into hanging around pubs as my girlfriends do to pick up casual sexual partners. But do u know what? These girlfriends just DONT understand why i am going to a Swingers club. They think i am some sort of
sexual deviate and assume im going up their every sat nite and having sex with hundreds of guys ala annabel chong. Yet they go to a pub every sat nite
pick up some drunk male they have never met, take him home have unprotected sex in most instances and they never see that person again yet they judge me?

My male friends of which i have many close ones know that i am going but they think its great ( except they want to come watch sigh).
They are more accepting and several would love to come up for themselves but find the cost prohibative. I got a grilling from them sunday morn abt what i got up to there last sat nite but as i said to them a lady just doesnt tell....................

 

[lickedysplit]

babe the first part of your post touched home with me alot...but after spending 14 years with the same dick, i earnt the right to indulge in many....people will always try and judge others, it gives them a feeling of power, betterment...but that is becos there lives are so dreary and boring....they have no life so talking about yours is the closest they ever going to get to having one...pity those with no life experience....
pity the judicators and the fakes...
be proud in being true to you...and love is found in many places.....they used to say that about the net...only whacko's on the net....

hello...it did me quite well...
go the swingers and everyone else that wants to live while they are on this earth..

 

[chrissie]

OK so you are probably wondering if I have a point.... I am curious to know who in your lives you have told about your lifestyle decisions. Do your parents, friends and family know you swing? DO they know you are gay/bisexual? Why/why not? What has been their reactions?

I'm out (as a pro-sub and lifestyle submissive) to pretty well everyone who's known me for more than 10 minutes, including my family. For the longest time, my mother was the only person I knew who could look directly at my collar and not see it lol.

When I became a pro-sub, after being a lifestyler for a couple of years, I decided to give myself a present a couple of xmas's ago, and tell my family. I will admit to concentrating more on the topping that I do, but their reaction was surprising to say the least. I think my mother was totally taken aback at first - although I do remember her asking me if 'they' paid well for 'that' lol - but she seemed to take it in her stride, and a few months later told me she'd seen a programme about it on SBS and were the sub men I saw like that and didn't I find them creepy? LOL.

Since then, she's come to stay at my house a couple of times, when I've been away or in hospital, and she's even tried dusting the dungeon lol - although she did say to one of my sisters that there were some very strange things in there that she had no idea what I did with . Now she leaves the dungeon to me lol, but when my youngest brother came over from the east that I hadn't seen for some years, one of the first ports of call was here to show him my dungeon <grins>

My attitude to my profession is that sex work IS work, and I'm proud of doing it well. I see no reason to hide it from people.

My private life is the same - I'm proud of who I am, and how I live my life, and I see no reason to cloak it in secrecy - which to me would imply I was ashamed of it. I know the oft repeated arguments about people not being able to be out because of the risk it might mean to careers, custody, whatever - but personally I think that's a crap attitude, and the more people take that route, the less likely we are to be accepted by mainstream society. (Of course, for some, that's half the allure lol - they like to be seen as 'different' or 'out there' - it's half the thrill for them - but to me, that means they aren't real players, they are just playing.)

Being out has cost me a couple of friends who just couldn't come to terms with it, but I've kept a lot more friends than I've lost, and I've been able to show a lot more people that there isn't anything weird about bdsm'ers, we're just like everyone else with some kinky sex thrown in (in my case anyway lol) and a slightly different dynamic. And I don't have to hide my preferences away like I'm ashamed of them, which would take a lot more energy than being open.

Chrissie

 

[Vyxxxn]

Your first para also hit home with me, though re the STD I wasn't as lucky & had to concieve through IVF...bloody partner messed around which was fine, but didn't do the safe sex thing and so the story goes...

As 4 who I have told, well like Serena all my family is over East there is only me & my girl and she's way too young to know yet lol...but if she ever wanted to know when she is older re "mommy's stuff" this is one mommy that will give it to her straight...

I have told my friends here, well I only have 2 very close g/friends & 1 guy, they didn't judge me...wouldn't be my mates if they were to...we have been through good and bad and when ya past the bad and still friends, well that's the sign of true friendship....they just reckon "You go grrl!"

Actually one of them just last weekend decided to give wat I had done a go herself, though in the privacy of her home...she said she could only think of me during the whole time...geez thanx girlfriend *wink*

As for if I was to tell my mom, well nah just wouldn't do it, no need to & yes she would be very judgemental and I can do w/o that, as 4 father dear well he passed away and I don't talk with my sister at all....but I would tell her if we were to still be.

And who is anyone to judge Minx? We are only answerable to ourselves in this life...I know it is easy say and not easy to feel when family comes into it, but I feel you are a very strong woman from just reading your posts....your are well informed intelligent and don't let no one tell ya diff.

R/ships...well they all come in one form or another...I have r/ships with guys on the system of fuk buddys no more no less, but it is still a r/ship to me...we respect each other and treat each other well and he is always there if I needa hug....

Like u I don't want a man in my life on a permanent basis atm...well if the right one came along (as if) I may change my mind, but till then I am happy alone with myself and my daughter, damn easier that way I'm tellin ya L0L

So....now I have written a thesis and probably a whole lotta nothing also....I hope to see you this Friday & finally meet.... :angel1:

 

[MovesInSilence]

go the black sheep!


well, after reading what you said perthminx i can relate to that ...(not the std bit) the family side of it sucks big time when they want to know whats happening in your life, you tell them then it's world war 3 as if your lifestyle is going to impact on them somehow.

As you probably know the deal with me ... my mother found my other clothes and wanted to know all the details .. so i provided her with them and i got the typical black sheep speach and will be target of abuse etc ... MY friends on the other hand .. accept my decisions and still treat me as a person
i guess it's because they have different values on life ?

My ideal is this ... as a parent you should support your childs decisions no matter what aslong as they are not hurting others. Although i don't have kids the ideal would stand if i did an be flexible

I'm still chicken about LP's but thats for personal reasons not the people.

So as you can see i'm a open minded black sheep who's "New" family is made up of friends.

 

[Simone]

omg r u me???

Far our PerthMinx apart from the termination u is me hun!

When it came to tell my parents and siblings that I am a working lady (it took me 3 months) a big weight had lifted off my shoulders but apparently it went onto theirs. They were shocked for awhile but now they have come to terms with my new job they always ask me questions. LOL

I have told my mum and sister that my partner and I swing, that took a bit to digest as my mum and dad used to do it back in the swinging 60's and my sister, well she is a good suburban mum who wouldn't consider anything like that but she still doesnt judge me.

The lifestyles that we want are not accepted in the society of today but i have noticed a big change cumming! More communication and honesty with our partners and family goes a long way...........

We should all do what makes us happy and if others don't understand us, that is their problem. Life is too short so enjoy!!!

We are the normal ones because we don't have to hide behind any lies. What you see is what you get.... I AM ME!

Simone xxx

 

[honeyblonde]

I like to keep my life private

I have two sets of friends and I just tell one lot some things and the other lot nothing about my sex life.

I once told a friend who was a wild girl in her day that I had been to swingers
she just looked at me and said, my god your better than that.

I had to laugh at that as she was a girl with a different guy every night when she was single. I am single and I thought what the heck is the difference?

I dont tell my straight friends nor do i expose it at work though some people at work know a little. I just dont want people at work to cross over the professional line and that would happen especially if men at work thought I was gonna bend over the desk as i passed and beg for a fuck.
I work in a job that has clients who I just would not want to know as that would put me at risk.
I dont tell my two teenagers they think Iam a nun and hardly can manage the idea that I had sex with anyone but their father and I just dont want to discuss my sex life with them or anyone else.

they own there own sex lives and they can do what they like and its not my business and i dont consider my business theirs. Privacy means a great deal tome.

being a sexual goddess in swingers has a pagan feel about it all, the best part is you can be a sexy goddess you can go in sexy gear or naked you can walk around men and you can say NO

you can release the sexual power within each person in an enviroment thats safe.
hands up girls that have been date raped by the nice guy your mum thought would be just perfect for you

or someones husband mr nice guy
or the guys in the pub that offered to drive you home safely

yep tons of women

there is more risk outside this environment and with condoms provided the sexual risks are decreased. guys and girls pissed from the pub dont seem to take to much noitce about safe sex and if its a spur of the moment dont even have a condom.

Lps to me is a safe liberated enviroment, and I know guys are busting to come and see for themselve and so are women but they are constrained by the leash of propriety

some can only press their noses to the window and long for something they dont have the courage to do.
honeybonde

 

[sioxie]

U know at the end of the day we are all adults and as such are free to choose what path we take in life.........and simone u nailed it with the and i quote " what u see is what u get I AM me".

I lived a lie for 15 years in a marriage in which i put on a front and pretended to b someone i wasnt because i thought i owed it to everyone else . I acted the suburban housewife. On the surface i guess we looked like the perfect married couple we were well off financially. Both had professional jobs, had a beautiful house, new sports cars every year, entertained with fancy dinner parties but i felt like i was dead inside. The sex was non existent. Or if we did have it it was a five minute job when he felt like it not when i wanted it. I have a high sex drive and it is only now that i am acknowledging that that is ok. He made me feel that that was abnormal. I wanted to experiment ( as i have a very devious dark side) but that was frowned upon so i was left extremely frustrated every nite.

When i did decide to leave i was victimised by friends and family.......i went a bit wild making up for 15 years of nothing.............but i lost alot of friends and family because of it....as i went from one extreme to the other.... they just couldnt or didnt want to understand so i got labelled the black sheep and still live with that tag . Now they either accept what i do or i switch off when they critisise.

They know now that what i do is my business and my business only.......and they are finally accepting........so hang in there.......

 

[licalotopus]

BRAVO MINX! You go girl.

I never understood what all the fuss is about, I don't see how LPs is in any way inappropriate or 'out there' compared to night clubs and pubs. Plenty of pubs and clubs are all about picking up and sex and I don't see how people can ignore that. I tell any friends who are interested about LPs and I get the feeling they are shocked I'm into it, but not dissaproving. I think I've had a bit of a soft cock nice guy image (which I am) and they some how think that doesn't fit with someone who openly likes sex? I really don't get the difference exept I don't like nightclubs(in general) and love LPs, but I see it as no different to wether you prefer 'the Bog' or 'the Mustang Bar' etc. To me its just another club, but one I like.
I haven't disscussed my going to LPs with my parents, but I have never discussed anything to do with my sex life (other than the expectation of babies) with them, so its got nothing to do with where or what I'm doing but simply I'm not all that close to my family.

Pete. :angel12:

 

[perthminx]

Its great to here all your comments. I agreed with so many of your sentiments!!!

I find LPs so exhilarating in that we can all go there and be who we are......

In the words of my idol Christina:

I've waited a long time for this
It feels right now
Allow me to introduce myself
I want you to come a little closer
I'd like you to get to know me a little bit better
Meet the real me Sorry you can't define me
Sorry I break the mold
Sorry that I speak my mind
Sorry don't do what Iamb told
Sorry if I don't fake it
Sorry I come too real
I will never hide what I really feel Huh, so here it is
No hype, no gloss, no pretense
Just me
Stripped​

 

[The Ruler]

wow, what an incredible first paragraph, the life that you have led. From all of this adversity you have obviously learnt so much.

What I do not understand is why we share things with people, to seek their understanding and maybe even sometimes there approval and yet then so often ignore the advice or opionions which result.

 

[perthminx]

Ruler I am only 22! My life hasnt even begun! I think that I have lived through all that and am still here; bright positive and happy! I can handle whatever the world throws at me!!

I know what you are referring to when u say we ask for people's opionions and then ignore their advice. Sometimes we ask people things we already know the answer to and we want confirmation, or things we know are wrong and we want them to tell us so.... but sometimes that initial desire/urge to do the opposite of what they want takes over. Imagine you met the woman of your dreams but your family didnt like her. You might ask them what they thought of marriage and they respond negatively, yet your love and passion for her is stronger that their words and their feelings...... You would probably already know what they'd say.................

 

[mikejoy]

you Rock Minx

hey Minx ,
your a fantasic women & very brave to air that all out but am sure there is some weight lifted off your shoulders with all that you have been thru & done..

your Great chick always seam to be bubbly & bright in your posts keeps it up as i love to read your comments as we have had a breif chat with you at yr first nite @ lp's and this just all confirms that your a top chick
and think you rock..

Mikejoy :angel1: