Anyone has had a relationship or had sex with someone that u have never expected ...ever?
that was unexpected and u always find it impossible....yet u finally did it...
like u are a shy, average looking guy neva chat up with a girl....but u end up hooking up a hottie?
or hook up with someone's boyfriend/girlfreind/ partners?
Unfortunately, never before in my case. At least, I'm VERY confident to have stated this from facts, logic, and personal experience.
However, there's a number of things I believe you have to get past in order to attain we all call
the impossible. For many, if not most - these can never, ever be attained to the unprivileged.
These are three things in modern life; that I believe, has been the ultimate benchmark/s for social conditioning requirements :
Alcohol, Attitude, Competition. Keeping in mind that whilst this is written within context to nightlife environments (nightclubs) - this also applies to most other social gathering/s as well. However, what I sincerely believe is that once these three
things are well tolerated simultaneously - it will in some way or another - affect one's outlook on his confidence in a way that a positive condition WILL be acquired to INCREASE the chance of
attaining the impossible.
Long story short - when you think about it - everything is
conditional to make the impossibility to happen in small chance/s. Life is unfair enough as it is...
--
So here goes the three things:
1. Alcohol tolerance & ED risk:
Ask yourself this question - what is in the last two or three decades of any modern/developed 'culture' that is increasingly being recognised as a social 'requirement' by pressure? It's alcohol.
This one's a no brainer, yet surprisingly most simply do not even realise it. Simply count how many guys you see in a nightclub donning pints of 9% one after another, followed by three or four mouthfuls of tequila not only that they will (well eventually) turn to dickheads but still get to be in the 'game' at all times either getting a deal from the club or at an establishment. How many times have we seen or heard in social gatherings conversations events where one only wishes to get laid straight after a bucks party, or a nightclub (of listening to overrated, over saturated trashy Top40 stuff)? And seemingly not only they STAY WELL tolerated under alcohol, yet they still are a bunch of Peter North's at 3AM.
And so who are these people? I may seem to over generalise but in all respects - these people generally are realised from western descents, backgrounds, and genetics.
Now for me being asian, and certainly one of thousands in the same basket - we do not generally metabolise alcohol well at all and still able get things up at the same time. Keeping in mind that this is written by someone who's had a history of mild ED. I won't bother writing up the science facts, it's all in the genetics; but Google it and there you go - another proof that genetics DOES come as a factor in psychological -> social makeup. Count how many times you see guys who are: 1. Asian, and 2: lucky enough to be walking out in arms with a 7" blonde at 2:00AM without hitting the sidewalks each time they walk?
2. Attitude :
Ask ANY woman who is seemingly attractive (looks or socially gratified) of how we should be and you'll likely be getting the same answer - "We just want to have fun. And so should you."
"And so should you." Now think about this last line. What makes you feel 'fun' in the first place? It's all entirely subjective. Me being a self practising DJ / set composer surely I do try to have fun in each and every one of my practise session playing dirty dutch, dirty electro house, etc on Friday nights after the gym, certainly at least without alcohol. But also the same goes to me visiting nightclubs
(if I ever get a divine invitation by a socialite, perhaps once a year) - then sure I'd like to hit up a convo (perhaps not in a nightclub - but the more lounge atmosphere like the Mink @ Burswood - now that was a good one) with the good looking waitress over the counter.
But most importantly is how difficult it is to find any sort of starting points, or potential conversational cues in nightlife environments that I can (begin) to work to create the 'fun'. Is it the long line ahead and the seemingly anxious ladies behind me who could use some sort of convo? Is it the constant 'give ways' I constantly display whenever I lets any ladies to walk past me in the midst of a thickened crowd? A brief smile and a gentlemanly manner to put others needs before my own?
There's not a lot opportunities. But certainly one thing that all of you ladies who are (subjectively by one's balance of course) attractive and frequents yourself as a socialite in the nightclub - keep this in mind just because you see us standing and switching our standing areas around as wall flowers constantly doesn't mean we're not having fun. We're looking for fun that GIVE US a standing ovation of RESPECT, and most of all, within a CALM & CONTROLLED ATTITUDE. And guess what? if we ever get the chance of being tapped on the shoulder (god if ever) by ANY of you we want to give YOU the same sense of respect in return as well. Didn't think of that one did you?
And certainly one more thing that makes it difficult - to stay thick headed, walk with your head held high, and be of on your own, ego and pride as you try to shift your way into the counter.
The very first (and certainly perhaps the very last I could ever have) bar nightout experience I've had was in KL in 2009 (yes I travel alone). Wednesday night; ladies night, a W/L tapped me in the shoulder; and before I know it - we were dancing for hours. There wasn't even any sex in the end because why? I had so much
fun dancing with her, forgetting everything else and I just happened to be polite and courteous to at least give her enough tips for her to get taxi home and a kiss on the cheek.
Fast forward that now to 2013, failed dating attempts at five (yes you read that right, "5") local online dating sites since 2009, and to all the rare clubbing invitations I've had - everyone in the nightlife seems to be too self-conscious.
3. Competition:
Lastly, if not the most abundant of all things in life: competition.
Let's talk about this in a general perspective. What is competition? It is the anxiety you feel when you're about to do your end of year exams. It's the constant fear and doubtful reactions we all get from submitting our job CVs. It's the constant look around you when you are trying to hit that 80kg bench press at the gym. It's the feeling of inadequacy of picking up someone while you're only driving a beaten up student budget car. It's marketing pressure from betting your initial offer for buying your first home against dozens of potential buyers whose offers are lot more than yours.
The fact of the matter is - the best of the pack within your circumstances matters. Because it's human nature - we subconsciously compare those against our own. And in return, - we subconsciously are very selective for how we want to be pleasured, or how we want to be seen as pleasurable, attractive, accountable and credible.
The last two factors I've written about would in many ways all converge into this. I had to stand up against the 80% - the beefed up, camera wielding clubbers who are automatically gifted with genetics to withstand alcohol that allowed them to do so, plus the given incentive of being Peter North hours afterwards. Second - I wanted to be seen as someone who's not only fun, fluent and keen to be with in the arms of good looking women out there but the most difficult part is to keep an 'aura' of influence of respect in a calm and controlled manner; and this is somewhat narrowly seen by the ladies themselves.
And lastly is the competition of all things as soon as you step into the club, or ANY social venue. For all the attractive ladies out there hope you keep this in mind - because we wanted to be approached by you within a given, respectful chance.
Even if WE DO get lucky in any sort of environment/s; the initial law of attraction still occurs - everything comes with some sort of condition that has made you somehow to be within that moment of luck.
Your turn for thoughts, everyone.
Sex got better and better for about 6 months but a relationship needs more than sex after a while.
