I need some parental advice, Please?

[Tania Admin]

How do you convince your daughter, that moving to Darwin for a couple of years, is a good thing? Especially when they don't want to leave the small town they live in because it's all they've ever known?

I have explained it as a long holiday with many adventures.

It's breaking my heart seeing her upset

 

[Dallas]

As someone that moved every couple of years as s kid I can relate to how your daughter might feel, as it introduces uncertainty as well as the loss of friends. I'd explain to her that it will be an exciting adventure that will have good and not so good things about it, but what you and her discover together - the good will far outweigh the downsides and you will both deal with it together, but put it in a way a ten year old will understand. Good luck Tania and I'm sure your making the right choice : )

 

[homer]

Tell her you will take her croc hunting every weekend and bird watching...and not to have to worry too much about the cold weather.

 

[Tania Admin]

I've mentioned she could do a face time project with her class. She will be home from school everyday an hour or so before they finish in WA and perhaps it could be a joint school project to learn about each school's state.
I also bought her a mink blanket she just saw and loved. Then mentioned I can do this because I've been working and when we go I have a job and we can afford more of those things.

I think she will warm to it.

 

[Dez]

Change is hard. But usually more hard as a concept or idea. Kids are pretty resilent once the cogs get going and they can see the direction of things a bit clearer.

I moved around a lot as a kid and have both loved and hated the roots that I grew in my 20s. We just moved last year after 10 years of one place. Granted we didn't leave the state or move very far but it was a change for all of us and the kids have blossomed because of it.

A move like your talking is a great opportunity and I'm sure that once the shock of it wears off she'll be excited, even if still nervous and a little uncertain.

I think children cope better with changes when the people close to them are positive and confident with those choices.

Best of luck!

 

[HappyPirate]

Ahoy Good Luck Tania

 

[Tania Admin]

Thanks everyone. You have all really helped.

 

[Sexty8]

Get her involved in something locally - Netball?
Places she can meet and make new friends

 

[bepp]

Just tell her ...in Darwin mum'll make more $'s n in np time will buy u that new i-phone 6 n we'll b living on easy street

 

[Tania Admin]

Get her involved in something locally - Netball?
Places she can meet and make new friends

Most definitely. Her team here went undefeated all last season and the coaches have all said she will play Nationals one day

Just tell her ...in Darwin mum'll make more $'s n in np time will buy u that new i-phone 6 n we'll b living on easy street

lol I've used the money angle but no way is she getting a phone. Not until she is 15.
I've pulled the parents of her friends on board. They have their kids excited about it and it's already rubbing off on her.

 

[bepp]

PS....just tell her u'll let her out to all the rage parties n she can stay out all nite

 

[homer]

Just tell her, she can have one of these when she gets her driver's license.

Otherwise, she can only have a tin foil 911 instead.

 

[Remi Dayo]

How do you convince your daughter, that moving to Darwin for a couple of years, is a good thing? Especially when they don't want to leave the small town they live in because it's all they've ever known?

I have explained it as a long holiday with many adventures.

It's breaking my heart seeing her upset

just to be good gril

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

You should not be explaining it to her and justifying the decision you have made as the best for the family,, you are the parent it is your role to make these decisions.
Suck it up is a far better approach for a ten year old, she might move up here apprehensive, but plan some treat outings in the first few days and presto she won't even realized she has moved. Its so easy for kids, is it mum is having second thoughts and using her daughter to express her doubts?

 

[Happy2]

My boys spat venom for a week or so when told they were going to boarding school

Once there they made new friends and it was Aww dad can we stay here with friends during school holidays please?

Kids are very adaptable She will come around in no time As MAK said preferably without the bribes

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

They aren't bribes they are discovery trips so she can start to feel at home.When any one moves it is very important to drive around and place yourself on a map, this is just as important for children as adults. get her a map and make her start a project discovering Darwin when she goes back to scholl she has a show and tell item to show she is nearly a local.

 

[User184]

Being upset is a natural reaction to a life changing event. But it's HER reaction. Don't tell her to suck it up either.

Explain the decision, how it was made and why it was made. Justify it too. If she's 10, in a few years she'll be making important decisions of her own. Kids are dependants not idiots. But they lack the life experience for context. So run her through it. You're raising her not for some projected ideal of unspoilt childhood, but to help her become a fully competent woman capable of making such decisions. That doesn't happen by accident.

Teach her how to separate emotions from reasons. And the difference between reasons and rationalisations. Show her that your decision is based in reason and exactly WHY it's the best current move for your family.

In summary, don't treat her like a dog, in thinking that all it requires is enough treats in order to coax her to Darwin. And allow her to be upset. Some stuff you're just going to have to live with. Don't be dismissive and invalidate her emotions.

(sorry for the length, didn't have time to make it shorter)

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

User 184 I like your thread except the crack about telling a child to suck it up is treating her like a dog, that was not the context, it was taking the responsibility as an adult not to have children rule your decisions. Mum can I have a new bike? No I can't afford it Suck it up is a better approach than apologizing to the child that you can't afford the bike.

 

[Happy2]

I sometimes think the apologising to the kids is a product of the newish idea of being the childs best friend
I was not my boys friend I was their father I love them dearly but my job was to love them protect them and have them ready for real life as well as have hopefully to have been brought up to be good men

But also to do the mean things (In the kids eyes anyway) like punish them etc Hard to punish or correct your best mate

I became their friend as they got older I am great mates with my 2 boys now

 

[User184]

User 184 I like your thread except the crack about telling a child to suck it up is treating her like a dog, that was not the context, it was taking the responsibility as an adult not to have children rule your decisions. Mum can I have a new bike? No I can't afford it Suck it up is a better approach than apologizing to the child that you can't afford the bike.

In truth the loading her up with treats to get an emotional commitment that short circuits her legitimate emotional reaction to a life changing event is the equivalent to treating her like a dog.

In that context, telling her to suck it up would be like pulling the choke chain. That also short circuits and undermines her legitimate emotional response to a life changing event. Just using the punishment paradigm rather than the reward.

Children are NOT dogs. And being upset is a legitimate emotional reaction to a life changing event. I am not advocating NOT moving to Darwin. Nor am I advocating denying her a bike, or giving her one for no reason. Whatever direction is taken. Do not invalidate her legitimate emotional response to a life changing event. Don't reward it with arbitrary treats, and don't punish it by telling her to suck it up.

If you've done all the explaining, then just let her feel.