fuck buddies... very long, i needed to vent :)

[SubNymphet]

ok now, i really dont know how to take this... havent been in this sort of situation before, previous 'fuck buddies' have been people i have talked to about it prior to anything happening, and gone into in knowing both of us were after the same thing...

LAST NIGHT

I was talking with a good friend of mine of 8yrs. We hooked up breifly many years ago, but nothing came from it, and we both moved on, but remained friends.

He is the type of guy who likes to give everyone shit, picking on them etc (very immature, but fun) he is a smart guy, hard worker and i will admit ive always found him good looking his eyes... WOW anyway, im getting myself distracted.

We were talking, and he started giving me shit for being home alone with a few drinks, and basically invited himself around. this was about 12am at this stage! (weve never really been alone together!)
So after a few beers, he starts giving me a back rub, and then i return the favour (ok, so i was more tickling him, because he laughs like a girl when he gets tickled, and I think its cute ) then he fell off the couch and pulled me into his arms.

Then he starts over analysing things... saying that i deserve someone to just be nice to me (he knows my ex husband and the shit he put me through with having affairs etc)
He also said he wasnt interested in anything happening, but just wanted to hold me.

Then, when he started kissing my forehead! I really didnt know what to do! He then asked if i wanted him to kiss me, so of course, me being me, I said yes

It was about 3am by this stage, he gave me the following options
either he could go home
he could sleep on the couch,
or we could keep kissing and go to my bed, but nothing else
(i chose the 3rd option)

but when i got to bed, things progressed realllllly quickly, and 3hours later we were still going at it. OMG!!! He was so considerate and only interested in me enjoying myself, giving me many compliments and both of us really just having a great time.

Then, at about 7am he finally left (after about an hour of trying to leave, and getting distracted time and time again) but said he wanted me to call whenever i wanted him to come around...

I guess i just dont know whether this CAN be just fuck buddies or if its going to get wayyy to messy.... i know i like him, have always had a bit of a crush on him, but never thought things would go there! I dont want to let myself get too involved and hurt... having only been single for about 4months after a bad 6year relationship. I know I can handle if it is only sex, but the way he was kissing me and touching me just seemed like a lot more than the standard bootycall type sex!!

argggg!!

CONFUSED! but veryyyyy satisfied

 

[Bluegrass9]

I believe sometimes you have to hurt and take chances to be able to receive the love you need. The more involve you are the better it will be until you both feel guilty and panic what your relationship has become and if that is what you really want?

Then you both will need to think and think to decide do you leave and hurt each other or stay with the chance you still could hurt each other.

But if you do not want commitment stop now because already I believe you are over your head.
:walk:

 

[Curious1]

If you start this as a 'fuck buddy' set up and it progresses, then what?
What is so wrong being with a guy who treats you like you should be treated? Can it be that bad?
Im assuming there is a problem with this growing to the point you have to update your facebook status to 'In a Relationship'?


p.s. is he a clingy type guy?

 

[tectonic]

A guy can be a passionate and caring lover and still only treat the sex as something light and fun. This is what confuses some girls as they find it hard to seperate the two.

My experience is that girls who like to have fuck buddies dont tend to get to passionate and enjoy the physical side of sex while girls who get passionate over sex often means there is am emotional connection to what is happening.

There are a lot of guys who can and do enjoy making an emotional connection during sex but can withdraw that emotion afterwards and treat the experience just as fun. I reckon if you are really enjoying it but worried there is the danger of him becoming attached just clarify it with him, you might be suprprised and if so you have just scored a great fuck buddy.

Just my thoughts anyway

 

[Sir Stefan]

Mmmm...interesting scenario Subbie.

firstly, from your description of play he would appear to be the kind, considerate and careing type... but he could also be a good 'salesman' and out to gain your confidence???

Sounds like you enjoyed yourself...and if you did, then why not try it again.

Trick is for YOU to remain in control and be guided by your rationale mind and not your emotive mind... easy said, harder to do!

So...I would thank him for his kind offer, but don't 'rush on in' for that will place you in his court and soon you may find yourself dancing to HIS tune?

So, you set the boundaries and do NOT meet too often, be patient and make yourself go without... see him once a fortnight, but no more.

 

[Fudd]

.....but he could also be a good 'salesman' and out to gain your confidence???

....I was thinking the same thing myself......I know of a couple of guys who would "plan an assult" in a somewhat similar approach.

Trick is for YOU to remain in control and be guided by your rationale mind and not your emotive mind... easy said, harder to do!

....totally agree. Remember, contrary to "popular opinion", we guys dont over analyse anything....black is black and white is white....there are no shades of grey. Treat this as a fuck session and if he calls, I'm sure that you will pick up his intentions from the conversation (you women are good at this......must be in your DNA.... )

Happy "hunting"
Fudd

 

[SubNymphet]

ok, well we were smsing for a bit this afternoon, he asked what i was up to tonight... lol. I said no though, after the lack of sleep last night, i decided my sleep was more important.
Before he left this morning he also made the comment that he tends to have the 'where is this going' talk too early and didnt want to have it yet... I didnt think he would be the clingy type... but maybe he is.

The other issue is our friends group... I will admit that i have hooked up with a few of them, (3) and i know some of them think poorly of me for it, and he made it pretty clear that he was going to pretty much ignore me around them (doing his whole teasing and picking on me as usual) because he didnt want them to start talking... (making it sound like he was doing it to protect me, although i think it was more of a selfish act on his behalf) i dont know if thats going to make things more akward too... (we see these friends everyweek in a group situation)

argggg! I am normally pretty good at reading people, but i just cant figure him out!!!

 

[happytimes]

Sounds like you may have more feelings for him than you realise.

Though if he treats you different around certain people i don't think you are going to like that. That could create more problems then it's worth. That's only my point of view and i am not saying i am right.

 

[TemptMe]

In fear of being bullied out....aren't all men good salesmen when it comes to sex?????Hahaha!!!
From the female perspective..I would be inclined to treat it as purely a fuck buddy situation!!

 

[Onhill]

I think its wonderful, enjoy, take the love and passion he is giving you. Life is far too short...

 

[Bluegrass9]

Temptme you could be right and btw are you interested in a gift box set of kitchen knives or maybe a plasma tv. I am sure we can together work out a price to make us both happy.

Seriously only time will be the one to reveal the answer in regards to the fuck buddy.
:walk:

 

[svengali]

Hmm!!!

I think only you can know the answers here.

Having mutual friends makes it trickier but not overly so - I mean you are both adults and what you get up to is really no-one else's business.

From what you have said he seems to tick a lot of the boxes which concern the ladies and maybe, given time, this could be a relationship worth pursuing. My advice, (for what it is worth) is just let things develope slowly and see how the cards fall. So long as you are both open and honest with each other no-one needs to get hurt.

 

[frendoto]

Rather than try to uncomplicate his bullshit, I'd lay it on the line. Tell him you're up for booty calls and nothing beyond that. Can he handle it, yes or no. Any bullshit, cut him off.

Don't jump into anything as confused as you are.

 

[SubNymphet]

happytimes - i know i have more feelings for him than purely friends, i think thats why i am so confused... lol.
My problem is i dont know what those feelings are. whether its just lust, or something more than that. I guess thats why im questioning myself so much about it. usually when i have gotten involved in a fuck buddy situation, there hasnt been any 'extra' feelings other than friends... i know i would be able to handle the fuckbuddy only thing, as long as he can, if you know what i mean... but i know if i let myself get more involved, i would!

maybe this is just me building those walls up around me as usual. I think part of me feels like if things were to progress further, that it is really too soon for me (having only actually left my husband/partner of 6 years a few months ago)

i just didnt think i would have found myself in a place to be this into someone this soon after...

 

[happytimes]

Yeah that's what i was going to say. I think you know its to soon to get that involved with someone just yet, but as Sven says your the only one that can work that one out.
Good luck in which ever you choose. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO>>

 

[Bluegrass9]

Oh dear , tut tut tut. Now all is very clear to me. Seriously for a moment. I have been told and read that after a break up one should wait seven years before there is any thought of another deeply involved relationship ship.

Therefore while you are waiting maybe you would be interested in a set of kitchen knives or maybe a plasma tv. I am sure we could find a price we both would agree upon. Better still we could just close the bedroom door and chat about the first thing that comes up.
:walk:

 

[aussie_single34]

it could get messy
be on your guard but follow your heart and what you need at this moment

and if your running short of fuckbuddies.............

 

[SubNymphet]

haha blue and aussie_single! fortunatly for me, i am not running short of fuck buddies 2 is more than enough for me at the moment! although in light of the situation with my friend, the first has been put on hold, just friends without the benefits for now... too much to think about with the new thing! I have found I am not the type that enjoys having multiple men on the go, i dont have the time to spare!!!

now the question i am asking myself is how I would take his decision (whatever it may be) whether he wants to continue just as fuck buddies, if he wants to stop and just go back to being friends, or if he wants to continue and see where things go - possibly leading to something more.... I think i would be happy with any of these choices actually... but i dont know which I would actually WANT!

I do find myself having a bit of a smile to myself when i think about monday night/tues morning though lol

 

[TemptMe]

Tut tut tut indeed Mr Bluegrass....kitchen knives and plasma tv....selling your wares to one and all...hehehe!! You going for salesman of the year award???LOL.

i just didnt think i would have found myself in a place to be this into someone this soon after...

Often one has left the relationship long before the relationship itself ends. Just take your time. Put yourself first and you will find your answer..and hey if it doesn't work out I am sure you will enjoy the journey.

 

[SubNymphet]

Often one has left the relationship long before the relationship itself ends. Just take your time. Put yourself first and you will find your answer..and hey if it doesn't work out I am sure you will enjoy the journey.[/QUOTE]

Yes, i know what you mean, I guess I have really been emotionally single for a long time, over a year probably. but only actually seperated about 4months ago.

Ive had to control myself not to message him today. lol. im so pathetic

 

[Curious1]

Ok so its been what...15-16 hours since you said you should not message him....Have you messaged him yet? lol

 

[SubNymphet]

lol he came online about 2 hours after i made that post and we chatted for about 2 hours. He asked to come around again, more than once! lol

But i stuck with my decision and didnt let him come over... although I think we might be catching up tonight, it is NYE after all!!! Spoke with my best friend about it all (he knows the guy as well) and he rekons i shouldnt hold out too long coz its mean, especially if he is interested in more than just sex.

Going from the conversations I have had with him i think he may be wanting more... I have attempted to find out, subtle questioning, he was either oblivious or choosing to ignore my questions though... next time i see him in person i will have to be more forthcoming with finding out what he wants i think!

 

[Curious1]

lol he came online about 2 hours after i made that post and we chatted for about 2 hours.

*shakes head*
Weakness on your behalf Ma'am!!! lol

But at least you stuck to your guns and didnt allow him over.
Question i wanna know is what YOU want?
If he wants more...will you, or is that all over then???

 

[SubNymphet]

im not too sure what i want, although he just let me know that he cant get out of his other plans tonight and i will admit, i was dissapointed!!!

I think whatever he wants this to be, i could be ok with... but i would be happy if it progressed into something more. I refuse to get my hopes up until i know though! haha. keep the walls up until i am sure!

 

[Curious1]

im not too sure what i want, although he just let me know that he cant get out of his other plans tonight and i will admit, i was dissapointed!!!

I think whatever he wants this to be, i could be ok with... but i would be happy if it progressed into something more. I refuse to get my hopes up until i know though! haha. keep the walls up until i am sure!

what do you think he wants? Do you think he wants a fk buddy, or a relationship?

Why keep the walls up? Why not drop your guard, tell him exactly what you want and see if you can both agree on what this is and where its goign to go?
Women seem far too afraid to risk getting hurt

 

[SubNymphet]

It isnt just being afraid of being hurt. Its also being afraid of loosing a good friend if things get too weird.

Ive only ever hooked up with one friend before, and it took years before we got the friendship back to what it was before, even now its not quite the same!!

I have no idea what he wants, that is the big issue. usually i can read guys pretty easily, but theres something about him that just has me totally confused!

He has totally changed his way of chatting with me though, being much friendlier and complimentary (when previously he has been very standoff-ish and picking on me constantly) We have always had fun teasing each other, making fun of each other etc, it's actually kind of strange having him be so nice to me! I am not used to it. He actually came up with a nickname for me already too... I nicely asked him not to though. lol

 

[Curious1]

What was the nickname? LOL

Maybe you need to tell him NOT to change how he treats you?

 

[SubNymphet]

a variation of my real name lol. nothing too original, not really a nickname as such, but cute when typed... made me giggle anyway!!

contained a lot of mmmm's and ahhhh's in it. lol.

Its actually kinda sweet that he's trying being nice to me, makes me smile (partially because its so not how he usually is - to anyone! and partially because he is actually a nice guy, just normally has a lot of defenses up i think)

I just have to be patient. its only been 2 days after all!!!

 

[Curious1]

a variation of my real name lol. nothing too original, not really a nickname as such, but cute when typed... made me giggle anyway!!

contained a lot of mmmm's and ahhhh's in it. lol.

Its actually kinda sweet that he's trying being nice to me, makes me smile (partially because its so not how he usually is - to anyone! and partially because he is actually a nice guy, just normally has a lot of defenses up i think)

I just have to be patient. its only been 2 days after all!!!

So your not going to tell the nickname? Even in a pm?

Your a bit giddy over this guy arent you? You feel like you 16 again? LOL
I say if your happy with whats happening, then go for it...jump in head first!
Not sure how it will pan out, but ill be checking back for sitreps often so keep us informed.

 

[SubNymphet]

yep, totally smitten i think would be the way to put it. i mean, he checks all the boxes!
hes good looking, intelligent AND has smarts, funny, driven, loyal to his friends and family... has eyes that make me melt, what more could a girl ask for!!!

I will PM you