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So, you came to the conclusion that all you had learned about swinging was a complete fabrication. Thank you very much. Your spouse may have said to you after reading that story: "Well, since it's not all old people in robes, watching you with someone else might be kind of fascinating." Or perhaps not. In any case, there are a few things you should be aware of before beginning if you're even vaguely thinking about getting into it, whether it be with your partner, a significant other, or simply that really nice friend with benefits you met on Tinder. When we inquired about those "items" with a group of swingers, they responded as follows.Make sure you and your partner are in agreement - You know how it can be a little awkward when you and your significant other attend a cocktail party and YOU had planned on simply "making an appearance," but he or she had plans to make the entire night of it? Basically, double that by infinity plus one. Disputes over obtaining oral sex from a stranger when you didn't realise you weren't supposed to are very different from fights over leaving a party early.
Set the rules, but be aware that they may change - You must establish guidelines after you are certain that everyone is travelling for the same purpose. Like laws that are only applicable to terrifying situations and contain words you haven't used since the eighth grade, like "kissing is fine, but handjobs aren't." The rules can also be adjusted depending on how comfortable you get, even though the stakes are far higher than they were in "7 Minutes in Heaven."
Try a club or expensive event first - Do you believe it is wiser to meet another couple in a huge social environment with paid security, other people, and plenty of condoms if you intend to engage in some possibly-possibly-we're-not-really-sure-yet group sex? or through an online chat room? It's never "in an Internet chat room," even if you've been together for so long you forget.
You must be sociable - Many folks who frequent swingers clubs lament that everyone there is "too cliquish," just like they did perhaps in high school. But in the world of swingers, there are no Regina Georges, and no one will look down on you and snarl, "You can't swing with us." Like everyone else, swingers tend to gravitate toward their friends, but if you approach someone and introduce yourself, you'll be astonished at how quickly they'll warmly welcome you.
Arriving early - It's awkward to arrive at a gathering sober when everyone else has been drinking. arriving at the party after everyone has already begun having sex? Mortifying. Arrive early, mingle with the hosts or bartenders, and get a sense of the atmosphere. If you ask, many clubs will offer you a tour; following the tour, you can discuss a strategy with your partner.
Study the language - It's not "tic tac no trade backs" in swinging when you hear the phrase "hard swap." It is a term used to describe couples who are ready for intense sex with another couple. Also not a legendary white horse, a unicorn is a female swinger who goes to events alone. Other helpful phrases are "soft swap" (couples who will play nice with other couples but won't "go all the way") and "the lifestyle," which swingers use to refer to, well, their lifestyle.
Don't drink too much alcohol - What makes you feel miserable? Imagine spending the entire week daydreaming about a threesome, reaching the point when it will actually happen, and then realising you have consumed too much alcohol to take any action. Sure, you might need a drink or two to get used to swinging, but after that, you run the risk of becoming a dick as well as getting a whiskey dick. In addition, no one wants to have sex with a drunken mess, just like in real life.
Set reasonable goals - Don't enter a swingers club with the exaggerated expectations of a pledge at his first frat party, even if you and your partner have agreed to be down for a "full swap." Nobody can promise an orgy, and occasionally you won't find any couples you like when you go. Also, don't get bored and leave because nobody will be getting it on by midnight because the action might not begin until much later in the evening.
Let the lady take the initiative - Guys, you've already won if you have a woman who is even considering taking part in an activity that enables you to have sex with other women. Do not press the matter. In addition to avoiding pressuring your woman into anything she doesn't want to do, you should essentially let her determine what YOU get to do. Allow her to make all introductions as well. Be patient and let her make the decisions since, in the swinging world, ladies are the ones who give the go-ahead.
First observe, then decide - You can spend as much time as you like researching on the Internet, but nothing will truly prepare you for what it's like to be in a swinging situation. It's usually a good idea to just go and see how things develop the first time. If it's something you're interested in, consider how you fit in and return. Create all of your rules, then observe how things develop.
Debriefing is required - Do the same with your partner after EVERY time you swing, much like those quarterly team meetings at work where everyone discusses what has been accomplished, what has worked, and what hasn't. The conversation will allow you to discuss the experience and determine whether rules need to be changed or added, or if there are different things you'd both like to try next time.
If you don't communicate, swinging won't function like everything else in a relationship. And the key to making the following encounter just as mind-blowing is talking about what you did after the fact.
